Burn out

 I have the feeling of burnout today. It was probably due to the fact that the cleaning lady needed money in the morning and I ended up walking to the atm and back, which is a good 1800 m from my house (Through the way I could do nothing but think of how UPI is a single point of failure and if UPI were to fail, the reduced number of ATMs being serviced by banks means our system is not as resilient as it used to be..?? But I digress.. ) 

Anyway, I was feeling burnt out right now, primarily because I did not achieve as much as I should have today. I was thinking why that was the case. Why did I spend my time fixing my neovim configuration instead of shipping a build? As I thought through, I realised that the primary reason for this is that I am alone and at a stage where I don' have any users so there is zero accountability to ship stuff. However, that is not the case as just yesterday I was pretty pumped up about my prospects. I was equally alone yesterday than I was today. But today, I was not able to sit down even. 

After much thinking, I just concluded that I am burnt out by all the various factors in my life, not just work wise but also on the personal front. What is the effect that having a supporting partner would have had on my mood. I guess my batteries are not recharging properly. More to write but feeling sleepy... 

I have become too logical.

One of the ways in which I have changed is I have become too logical. Hmm.. Is logical the right word? Perhaps no. What I want to say is that I have become a person devoid of emotions? Or perhaps what I really want to say is that in trying to understand the events that happened in my life, I became a person who could look beyond the emotions and observe the events as they happened. Observe the emotions as they happened. I guess what I wanted to say was that I have become an observer. 

That in itself is not a bad thing. But sometimes when you are an observer you become a person of inaction as well. 

I dont know what I am blabbering. I should sleep. 

It's been a while...

 A thing that I noticed about myself recently is that I have become a consumer of content, but I hardly spend any time producing content. This blog is of course, not "content", but it used to be an outlet for my thoughts. 

I was thinking the other day how I have become a very different person from who I used to be. In some ways good, in some ways bad. Some of it is just aging. Some of it is just circumstances. But some of it is just bad habit and lazyness. I had an urge to rediscover some of the habits that I used to have and one such habit was blogging. Writing down my thoughts, on anything. Just go through the motion of writing. 

And given that I have learnt touch typing, I thought let's give this a shot. Lets write something everyday.